Covid-Me

What makes my perspective unique? Well, I am told by my health professionals that I have an intelligence level that is off the charts. My significant academic achievements would testify to this fact whilst actually saying nothing about my real level of intelligence which might be defined as standing in a somewhat tangential relationship to the world.

I am also bipolar with a secondary dissociative personality disorder, alexithymia, which means that I have a sub-clinical inability to identify and describe emotions in myself and others. In lay person terms I am incapable of sympathy and empathy towards my self and others. People are, for me, just objects and I try to have as little to do with them as possible.

You might think that my life is characterized by a marked dysfunction but nothing could be further from the truth. I am, again in the words of my health professionals, highly functioning and the reason is that I have made myself this way. I have formed myself, honed myself, defined the aesthetics of my inner life. I have made myself into who I am today.

These are the facts that define the way that I see the world. But they are not immutable facts. I continue to work on myself, to mould myself, to strive for a life that will, ultimately, have been well lived. When I die, I will be able to say that I was more than I might ever have been, that my decision to avoid the easy paths amounted to my self-overcoming.

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